THE NATIONAL WAX MUSEUM PLUS

Foster Place, Temple Bar, Dublin 2

www.waxmuseumplus.ie

Dublin’s Wax Museum has relocated from Parnell Square to The Armoury, Foster Place, Temple Bar. A new name, a funky exterior and striking lighting gave the impression that there might be something new and exciting to see here.

When the woman at reception seemed surprised to see us, it should have been a warning sign but we persevered nonetheless. The first room, The Writers’ Room (ironically missing an apostrophe in their leaflet) gave that slightly creepy feeling of being watched but on closer inspection of the less-than-lifelike figures, that soon wore off. A notice on the wall promised that a wax work of Cecelia Ahern was coming soon. Yes, I had wondered why she wasn’t featured along with Joyce, Wilde, Kavanagh, Yeats and the rest…

Next was the Time Vaults of Irish History, which was a bit of a yawn – nothing you couldn’t see with a higher educational content in any other museum. Maybe I’m mistaken but I thought the point of wax works was that you could marvel over how much they looked like the famous person they represented. It’s hard to be impressed by how much some unknown Bronze Age man looks like himself.

The Chamber of Horrors was scarily bad, with a whole room devoted to Hannibal Lector. The voice-over was as just as untrue to life as the figure was. Children’s Fantasy World would impress only the least sophisticated of kids. It’s hard to see why they would do wax works of the characters from The Simpsons but even cartoon characters proved difficult for them to replicate. They did still have the “Tunnel of Doom”, which I remembered from a childhood visit, and it was still just a hole in the wall. Irish Heroes of Discovery had no wax works at all for some reason, just a collection of science equipment, obviously in the hope of attracting a few school tours. The Wax Factor Studio tried to be contemporary, promising the chance to record your own music video and upload it on-line but typical - the on-line bit wasn’t working that day.

At this point I was wondering where Brad and Angelina were but assumed they were saving the best for last. The Hall of Irish Legends featured such legends as Gerry Ryan, Brendan Grace and Jack Charlton, who wasn’t Irish last time I checked, the controversial swimmer, Michelle Smith, and good old Bertie. But there was still hope, in the Grand Hall Finale. This started with an interesting juxtaposition of Ronan Keating and David Bowie. I can’t see what they could possibly have in common, apart from blonde hair. Predictably, U2 featured, as did a very 80s Madonna, Boy George and James Bond from the Pierce Brosnan Era. They struck it lucky that Madonna, U2 and Bowie are still relevant but apart from that, the stars of today were conspicuously absent.

The Wax Museum Minus would be a much more appropriate name. It was minus lifelike, minus contemporary celebrities and minus any real entertainment value. They did promise “an experience like no other” and I’d have to agree with them there. At €10 a ticket this experience doesn’t come cheap so I’d recommend saving your money for the cinema as you’d have a much better chance of seeing some real stars there.